No Matter How Hard I Try to Keep it Away, March has Arrived!

March 10th
March!  A month that now marks the worst day of our lives.  A month filled with anxiety, anger and saddness.  It is so hard for me to believe that it is already apon us when most days I still feel like it was just yesterday.  The fact that I survived a day without Mason, let alone almost a year is very hard to comprehend.  If someone would have told me that this was going to happen I would have told them that I would not survive it! And the sad part is I did.  No matter how many times I truly felt like dieing or how many times I begged God to take me too, I was forced in some un-natural way to continue on.  I know for some of you that is hard to hear, as I also have Kale to think about.  But in my heart I could not bare the thought of my little boy being alone without one of us with him.  I mean that's the way it should be? It had been that way for us for the past 3.5 years.  Mason & I together in the hospital and in Calgary and Justin & Kale together at home.  Not that it was easy or right, but what part of any of this is right?  We did what we knew was the best thing, one parent with one child, never alone! Why should this be any different?
March used to be a happy month for us.  It marked birthdays for Kale and Justin, days that were filled with celebrating and having a good time with family and friends.  Everyday now is filled with "last year at this time" or " today was the last day Mason did this".  Justin's birthday is now shared with the day we had Mason's funeral service, it will never be just Justin's birthday again.  Kale's birthday now brings memories of sadness for him as he recalls Mason skyping him from the Dominican last year and saying how excited he was to get home for Kale's birthday! Saddness wondering why he gets to get older and his little brother doesn't?

March 15th
I am sitting here remembering last year at this time, a day I have thought of often through out this year, a day of horrible memories that lead to being forced to face my worst nightmare. The words I had been terrified of hearing since Mason was diagnosed were being said to me.  I will never get that memory out of my head.  No parent should ever have to endure that amount of pain, nor should any child have to leave this earth before their parents. 
In honour of Mason we are celebrating his life tomorrow by having a grave side memorial with our immediate family and close friends with a gathering at our house afterwards.  Mason loved a party, especially with all his family and friends so even though it will be a sad day, and a day to reflect we know he would want us to be surrounded by the people who love us, and especially him.

We thank you all for your love and support and for being at our side over the past year either in person or in thought.